There were many reasons why he was called Puck. The obvious reason was his small, thin stature, over-large eyes and strangely pointed ears. If anyone could be a descendant of fairies – perhaps even a changeling in modern clothes – then it was Puck. This, and the fact that at school he was always called ‘a little ****’ Well, we can work out for ourselves that it rhymes.
Puck had three loves in his life. One – arguably the lesser – was his girlfriend Cheri. Another was his love of computers. Indeed, Puck was a wizard of unusual ability. And the third, in keeping with his name, was his love of the woods which spread out, up country, from the bottom of his garden. And it was on the day of the story that he was wandering through the woods when a blinding light led to the appearance of what can only be described as a flying saucer, crashed and stuck in the ground.
Obviously being a genius in cyberspace, initiative rarely infiltrated into the real world. Hence, Puck looked at his new find with amazement, not really knowing what to do. Hence, he sat down, cross-legged, in front of his find and stared.
Cheri, on the other hand, was made of more sensible stuff.
She had just finished work for lunch. Walking down the street of the small town, she was feeling rather frustrated. As much as she loved Puck, she couldn’t get over the boredom of his constant hours on the computer. It wasn’t that he wasn’t kind. He was. It wasn’t that, when his attention was on her, he was not attentive. He was. But the relationship lacked that all important excitement a full blooded woman required. That, and the fact that when they made love, she had to reach down for his mouth so far that her neck ached.
Cheri was contemplating her future with Puck when she saw him excitedly running down the street.
‘Come on,’ he said, out of breath as he reached her. ‘I’ve got something to show you.’
This was different. He appeared animated. He appeared exciting. And a natural boost of adrenalin seemed to affect her, too.
‘So what do you think of it?’ asked Puck as they stood in front of the flying saucer.
Cheri had to admit it was interesting. ‘How did it get here?’ she asked.
‘There was a flash, then a bang, and here it was,’ replied Puck, before beginning a closer inspection of the shell of the saucer.
‘What are you trying to do?’ said Cheri, momentarily.
Puck’s face beamed. ‘Why, get in, of course.’
And so it was that, ten minutes later, Puck had found a door and he and Cheri sat in the tiny cockpit of the tiny flying saucer that was obviously made for a pilot even smaller than him.
Cheri’s neck did, of course, ache more than usual. ‘It’s so cramped,’ she said. To which Puck placed his arm around her neck and kissed her lovingly.
To Cheri, this was a whole new experience. The find had obviously excited him more than she could have dreamed. But her obvious hopes were shattered when Puck found, on the console, what could be nothing other than a computer. Puck’s fingers stiffened, his eyes gleamed, and within seconds he was tapping away.
Offering a sigh, Cheri looked around her – realised another door existed leading to another cabin. Looking once at Puck and then at the door, she sighed again and went to open it, offering a scream as a small blubbery, grey, bug-eyed alien fell through into the cabin, obviously bloodied and dead.
The scream terminated Puck’s interest in the terminal and he looked round. Seeing the dead alien beside him, he stared for many seconds. Then, suddenly, he burst into tears.
Cheri found the tears most disconcerting. ‘What’s the matter?’ she asked.
Through streaming tears, Puck said: ‘I’m not sure. I just feel … I just feel so in tune with it. It’s as if a part of me has died.’
Silence followed this declaration. Puck raced back to the computer and began tapping away again. Not wanting to be too close to the dead alien, Cheri moved round to the other side of the cabin and sat down as comfortably as she could.
Eventually, Puck stopped his tapping, sat back and said: ‘This is fantastic.’
‘What is?’ said Cheri.
‘It seems,’ said Puck, ‘that I’m the alien’s great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather.’
Half an hour later, thoughts whirred through Cheri’s head, unable to believe what she had just heard. ‘So let me get this right,’ she said, after Puck had offered a complete explanation. ‘The alien and the flying saucer are from the future.’
‘Yes. ‘
‘He is, infact, an archaeologist, come back in time, to trace the roots of his civilisation.’
‘Yes.’
‘He obviously lost control and crashed.’
‘Yes. ‘
‘But he is, essentially, human. And the evolution of man took a turn when you thrived better than the normal human being.’
A look of pride issued from Puck’s animated face. With a declaration of destiny, he announced: ‘I, it seems, am the future. ‘
The sun was setting as they exited the flying saucer and sat in the wood, close by. Cheri was happy to be out of the craft. Rubbing her neck, she said:’So what do we do now?’
Puck thought a moment and said: ‘I’m not sure. But one thing I do know is no one must find the saucer.’
‘Why’s that,’ said Cheri.
‘Because of the time-line.’
There he goes with his big concepts, thought Cheri. But she said: ‘What do you mean?’
‘It’s quite simple,’ said Puck. ‘The slightest change to what happens now could drastically affect the future and change it.’
‘So you mean, knowing that this is what we are to become could mean that we don’t?’
‘Exactly.’ Then another thought struck him. ‘Infact,’ he said, ‘it’s not inconceivable that it was the archaeologist coming back that began the change in the first place.’
‘Meaning what?’
‘Meaning that my finding of the flying saucer gave me the ideas and intelligence to create the evolutionary change in the first place.’
Cheri looked agog. ‘You mean you would be the actual father of the future?’
‘Yes,’ said Puck. ‘Which would obviously make you the mother. ‘
Cheri had often thought about children. What would they be like? Would they be tall and handsome? Would they be successful in life? But suddenly, she thought of a strange future for man, with mental ability rising above physical ability – as Puck put it – enlarging the brain and shrinking the body. And this was most definitely not the kind of children she had in mind.
Indeed, maybe it was for such selfish reasons that she picked up the branch and bludgeoned Puck to death. And as Puck breathed his last breath, a flying saucer disappeared in front of her eyes.
(c) Anthony North
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Tory leader, David Cameron, is calling for Scottish MPs to lose their vote over English matters. Addressing a problem that has been around since Scotland got its own Parliament, why should Scottish MPs be able to vote on English affairs when English MPs cannot vote on Scottish?
Michael Moore was interviewed on British TV on Wednesday night (ITN – 10.30pm), and advised that Tony Blair was more responsible for the Iraq War than Bush Jr – and I must admit, I tend to agree.
Researchers at the University of East Anglia have advised that the oceans are soaking up less CO2. It is unknown whether this is due to global warming or a natural cycle, but it suggests the possibility of adding to climate change effects.
The writer Martin Amis has advised that he feels ‘morally superior’ to Muslim states, which are not as ‘evolved’ as the west. The obvious accusations of racism have followed, but this does not help.
The decision to award the Nobel Peace Prize to Al Gore is worrying. Awarded jointly to him and the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), it places global warming at the forefront of global security.
It was Hyram Zimmerman, pseudo scholar and psychical researcher extraordinaire, who tipped me off. ‘Dirk, boy, I’ve got a great tale for you. Just up your street.’ And when he told me, I had to admit I was intrigued.
He sat in the chair, fuming. Tobias Alousius Bertram, Lord Lloyd – known as TAB to his friends – wanted answers. And he wanted them quick. ‘The readers smell a rat. So what are we going to do?’
As I write, UK postal workers have carried on their strike into a second phase. For several days now, mail has not been collected or delivered. Whether they have a case for more money and job security, I don’t know.
